Tuesday, February 19, 1991
On this Grammy Eve, our attention turns to the nominees for Best Pop Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group. Now when this award is handed out, does each member of the group get a trophy or do they all have to share one trophy? If they have to share one trophy, how do they share it? Where do they keep it? Do they take turns keeping it? Can you imagine the fights this can crate with a group?
“Hey Lindsey. It’s my turn to keep the Grammy this month. I’m coming over to get it.”
“I don’t have it, Stevie. Christine has it.”
“I already called her and she said you had it.”
“But I don’t have it, Stevie. I got it from Mick two months ago and then I gave it to John, who recently gave it over to Christine.”
“Lindsey, that’s impossible. John and Christine aren’t speaking.”
“Why not?”
“They got into a huge argument over who misplaced the American Music Award.”
Anywaze…the nominees for Best Pop Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group are:
- The B-52’s for “Roam”
I’ve always loved the B-52’s. Some of their older fans didn’t like the more-polished, radio-friendly sound of their latest album, Cosmic Thing, but I say they deserve to make some money. They were nominated last year in this same category for “Love Shack,” which I call “The Atlanta Highway Song,” but they were beat out by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville. They’re up against Linda and Aaron again, so I hope there isn’t any bad blood between them. I think Aaron Neville can beat up both the guys in the B-52’s in a two-against-one fistfight. Fred Schneider doesn’t even sing on “Roam,” which I call “The Dirty and Dusty Trails Song.” So, what’s going to happen if they win? Will the rest of the band accept their awards while Fred remains in the audience?
- Heart for “All I Want to Do Is Make Love to You”
Not only does this win the award for longest song title, but it also wins the award for the most complicated plot of a pop song. You know what the song is about. This young woman picks up a male hitchhiker in the rain. Okay, let’s stop there for a second. That, in and of itself, should require the song and the video to come with a disclaimer. “Kids, don’t pick up hitchhikers!” And then, she drives him to a hotel…another bright idea. It was a place she knew well. So, does this tramp go out driving every time it rains in search of young men hitchhiking just so she can take them to the same hotel and have unprotected sex with them? Anywaze…they made magic that night. He did everything right. Then, when he woke up the next morning, he saw that she had left him stranded at the hotel. Oh, but she did leave him a note telling him that they walked through a garden and planted a tree. And then one day, they ran into each other and he saw his own eyes. Yeah, they conceived that night. She pleaded with him to understand. She explained that she was in love with another man and what he (the man she loves) couldn’t give her was the one thing he (the one-night-stand guy) could. So the moral of the story is: If you’re a woman who wants to have a child, and if the man you love cannot be your partner in reproduction, and if you’re dead-set against adopting a child, and if you therefore want to seduce a man in order to use him as a sperm donor without his consent, then go out of town to do it. Otherwise, you run the risk of eventually crossing paths with him while you have his baby in your arms.
- Bruce Hornsby & the Range for “Across the River”
I can’t tell you much about this song because I change the station every time it comes on the radio. Call me narrow-minded, but I don’t want to listen to artists who have piano solos in every single one of their songs. Billy Joel doesn’t even do that and he’s the piano man!
- Righteous Brothers for “Unchained Melody”
You ask, “How could this recording receive a Grammy nomination now? I know it was used in the soundtrack to the motion picture Ghost, but it was originally released as a single in 1965. Doesn’t anyone respect rules anymore?” Oh, but when this song recently became popular again, they rerecorded the song. Even though the original version of the song got most of the airplay, it is the newer recording of the song that got the Grammy nomination. Thanks a lot, Righteous Brothers. My fiancée wants this to be the first song we dance to at our wedding reception. I don’t like my fiancée. And I don’t like this song, either. - Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville for “All My Life”
Like I said previously, Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville won this same award last year. You don’t realize how small those Grammy Award trophies are until you see Aaron Neville holding one. Everybody loves Linda, or at least they should. And most Grammy voters are too afraid of Aaron Neville not to vote for him, so they should win…again.
But, if Linda and Aaron don’t win, I hope the B-52’s take home this award. I just hope they don’t fight over who takes it home. Here they are with the “Dirty and Dusty Trails Song.”
20 Years Ago Today 
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