Countdown to the 1991 Grammy Awards, Part 3: Nominees for Album of the Year

Sunday, February 17, 1991

I’ve been getting so many letters from readers who say, “Lorenzo, you are amazing! I love the series you’re doing, reviewing the nominees for various categories in the 33rd Grammy Awards, which will take place February 20 at Radio City Music Hall and will be broadcast live on NBC, but when are you going to get to the nominees for Best Spoken Word Recording?” And everywhere I go, people ask me the same question. Why is it that the Grammy for Best Spoken Word Recording is the category that gets all the attention? It’s not fair.

Sorry to let you down, but today, the spotlight is on Album of the Year, an award that goes to the artist and the producer.  The nominees are:

• Back on the Block
  Artist: Quincy Jones (?)
  Producer: Quincy Jones
  Quincy Jones has done this before. He records albums using various singers on various tracks. He doesn’t sing any of the songs himself. He doesn’t play any of the instruments. Yet the albums still bear his name. I wonder what would happen if I tried that. A lot of legendary pop, jazz, and R & B singers are on this album. I wonder how Ella Fitzgerald reacted when Quincy told her to check her ego at the door.
  
  
• …But Seriously
  Artist: Phil Collins
  Producers: Phil Collins and Hugh Padgham
  Now, it’s important to include the three dots every time you write out the name of this album, …But Seriously. So, I suppose that means you’re supposed to pause briefly before you say the name. Yeah, if you have a conversation with someone and you mention that you purchased this album, you need to say it like, “I bought Phil Collins’ most recent album” (pause) “…But Seriously.” So, if the presenters of this award open the envelope and pauses before they announce the winner, you’ll know that the winner is (pause) …But Seriously.

• Mariah Carey
  Artist: Pariah Carey
  Producers: Mariah Carey, Rhett Lawrence, Ric Wake, Narada Michael Walden, Ben Margulies, and Walter Afanasieff
  Do you like the way I called Mariah Carey “Pariah Carey”? It was clever of me, wasn’t it? In a year or so, lots of people will be calling her Pariah Carey. Just remember you heard me say it first. Oh yeah, she seems so innocent now. I always think it’s a bad idea for recording artists to name their debut albums after themselves. It’s very confusing. From now on, every time she hears someone call her name, she’s going to have to turn around and ask, “Are you talking to me or are you talking about my debut album?” My favorite song on the album is “Love Takes Time,” but I don’t like the part where she acknowledges that the former lover she is singing about says he doesn’t miss her and doesn’t need her, but in spite of that, she tells him he does miss her and does need her. This is 1991 and you’re not supposed to invalidate other people’s feelings like that. She needs to go to Codependents Anonymous. I still think Mariah Carey should make a movie. You can tell when someone has a natural acting ability.
  
  
• Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em
  Artist: MC Hammer
  Producers: Felton Pilate and James Earley
  The mere fact that the Grammy voters nominated a rap album for Album of the Year disproves the claims that the Grammy establishment is too conservative, narrow-minded, uncool, and behind the times. But you know how I feel about this whole MC Hammer vs Vanilla Ice thing and you know how loyal I am to the Ice Man. Yeah, Vanilla Ice is from the streets but MC Hammer needs to pray just to make it today. …But seriously, it should be Vanilla Ice, not MC Hammer, who is up for Album of the Year. Ice will be forever known as the best white rapper.
  
  
• Wilson Phillips
  Artist: Wilson Phillips
  Producer: Glen Ballard
  Again, with the self-titled debut albums. But I can’t hide how partial I am to Wilson Phillips. They’ve made me forget all about Bananarama and that’s saying a lot!

So, my pick for Album of the Year goes to…